A Life Well- Lived"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the sign of weakness but of strength. They are more eloquent than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love." |
At her first breath, Joan’s parents held their newborn and pondered the possibilities and potential for their family’s newest member. As she took her last breath, Joan’s husband and children looked on with love and gratitude, thankful for having been part of her life well-lived. Joan Elizabeth (Belisle) Wertz, age 61, died at home in Richland, Washington on January 1, 2018 from kidney cancer.
Joan was born in West Stewartstown, New Hampshire on September 26, 1956 to Claire Agnes Ronan and John Edward Belisle, the fifth of seven children. She graduated in 1974 from North Stratford High School, North Stratford, New Hampshire and in 1978 from the University of Vermont, Burlington, Vermont with a Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing. She was commissioned as Lieutenant Junior Grade, United States Navy Nurse Corps in 1978. On August 4, 1979 in North Stratford, New Hampshire, Joan married Ensign Douglas E. Wertz, US Navy. At duty stations in San Diego, California and Bethesda, Maryland, Joan learned the foundations of nursing in various departments, treating Navy recruits, Admirals, and most importantly, Admiral’s wives! During her active duty years, she was promoted to Lieutenant and completed five years of service, leaving active duty after the birth of her first child in 1983. After completing her military service, Doug and Joan crisscrossed the United States to Naval stations on the coasts. Doug was deployed at sea for many months at a time, and Joan maintained a loving and stable environment for their first two children. As the opportunity arose, Joan continued her nursing career. She worked part time at a rehabilitation center in Long Beach, California and after moving to Columbia, South Carolina, Joan took her first assignment in maternity. While having two more of her own children, Joan further honed her skills as a maternity nurse at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Lynchburg, Virginia. In 1996, following Doug’s transfer to the Hanford Site as a contractor, the family of six settled in Richland, Washington. Joan began working as a Staff Nurse in the Birth Center at Kadlec Hospital in 1998, retiring in April 2017 with 19 years of service. She was a nurse second to none and a fierce advocate for her patients. The most satisfying part of her job was seeing the faces of new mothers, fathers, and grandparents; exhausted mothers exalting in their creation and the incredible moments of love and connection; strong men melting into sobbing forms; grandparent’s unbridled joy at witnessing the beginning of a new cycle of life. In all things, Joan was the hub around which her family gathered. As a mother and homemaker, Joan was a strong advocate for her children’s wellbeing, always providing a helping hand or strong push, whichever the occasion required. She was immensely proud of all her children and she adored her three grandchildren. Joan’s approach to life was best summed up in her “Three Commandments” – don’t take life so seriously, help when you can, and eat around the table. Not only did Joan tend to all things home and family, she never shied away from the myriad of volunteer efforts upon which so may youth activities depend. Joan volunteered her time to a wide array of organizations, from youth sports and elementary education, to community board and national swimming association positions. She was most proud of her volunteer work for the Tri-City Channel Cat and Hanford High swimming organizations, holding positions on the board of directors, leading hospitality and fundraising efforts, and officiating at local, state and national level swim meets. Joan’s journey with cancer was met with a tremendous outpouring of love and support from not only her family near and far, but also her co-workers and close friends. She spoke often of her gratitude for the visits, cards and flowers received from the Birth Center staff. Joan and her family are also extremely appreciative of the caring assistance provided by Chaplaincy Health Care, Hospice team. She is survived by her loving and devoted husband of 38 years, Douglas E. Wertz; son, Benjamin E. Wertz (Vanessa) and grandchildren Alana, Kaylee, and Caleb, of West Richland; daughter, Margaret E. Wertz, of Houston, Texas; son Joseph D. Wertz (Meredith), of Houston, Texas; and son, William B. Wertz, of Seattle, Washington. Joan is also survived by her mother, Claire A. Belisle, of Burlington, Vermont; her brother Ronan Belisle (Lee), and sister, Ann Biron (Denis) of Charlotte, Vermont; brothers, Mark Belisle, of Shelburne, Vermont, Michael Belisle of Cambridge, Vermont, and sister Caroline Belisle, of Whitefield, New Hampshire. She was preceded in death by her father, John E. Belisle, and sister, Mary Ross (Dan). A service and reception to reflect on a life well-lived will be held on Friday, January 5, 2018, from 5 to 9 pm at Sunset Gardens Event Center, 915 By Pass Hwy, Richland, WA 99352, with Tim Ledbetter, a Hospice Chaplain, presiding. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to: Chaplaincy Health Care 1480 Fowler Street Kennewick WA 99352 509-783-7416 |
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The Status Report UpdatesMESSAGES ABOUT JOAN'S JOURNEY WRITTEN BY DOUG WERTZ
An Update from June 27, 2018
Checking In Six months on and the Wertz clan is moving smartly through thick and thin, happy and sad, all in the same graceful way in which the Iron Maiden launched us into the new year. Motion has been my companion, enjoying the company of family, friends, and new friends. A book given to me during a visit to Pennsylvania (thank you dear Nancy) contained a quote…” weknow our immortality for only a little while.” Written by Neal Peart, drummer for the band Rush, while chronicling his healing journey on a motor-bicycle (cheater!), the words remind me of the precious existence we share, and the thin line that separates forever and reality. Living every day to its fullest with kindnessand positivity has been my focus. Finding people who have also suffered loss (a friend, co-worker, wife, husband, child, infant, pet, divorce, breakup) I have discovered a new traveling road and sea upon which to connect in different and meaningful ways. One of the delightful people I recently met sent me a powerfulthought, “Dancing With A Limp.” “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamott Mind you, often, the limp is not visible, rather waiting to be shared. It’s like what I call “the thirty-eight-year hug”; the hug earned and achieved in the longevity of relationship; it is not replaceable…and you long for it, sense it, and all the while sohappy to have achieved it, knowing that physically it is gone; always to be cherished for the remaining days. Happily, though, you can learn to dance on and on and on! (Dang Doug, that’s some heavy s _it! Peter Cetera, Sting and Eric Carmen will do that to ya…sniff sniff) Do you know anyone with a limp? Do you have a limp? Are you open to discovering the lingering emotion of loss in another? I bet all of you are, because the love and compassion you demonstrate to all of us tells me so. Take some time for yourself to get out and do something that lends a helping hand (Rule 2), shares a belly laugh (Rule 1), or break bread around a table with people you love, or at least can stand for a few hours (apply alcohol as needed) (Rule 3). Godspeed! An Update from March 11, 2018
Two months on...here are my wandering thoughts...thanks everyone for accompanying my family on our journey! Music-tears-motion-sex Do I have your attention now…I mean, sex? Well, here goes…reaching out to catch up with ya’ll (getting ready to visit Houston next week…working on the lingo…). Two months down the road from IM’s sailing and happy to be alive and well! Enjoying pokes, texts, and words from so many people; as a friend told me, be aware of those around you and receptive to the special deeds and messages they give; I have taken in several such moments from “strangers.” Surrounded by good. Songs from the past bring all sorts of memories that I enjoy…from high school, dating, marriage and family times. Music invokes images and feelings that I am compelled to revive and reexperience. Saw a funny comparison (sarcastic) between new and old tunes…I mean, no matter the age or generation, is it always about love, wanted or lost, sex…well, and more sex? Too funny! I find my oldness (maturity) driving frustration with “nasty” rap, (even though no different than the way Mick sang it) and the ever-increasing disobedience of traffic laws! I mean, what is happening to this generation…LOL. Just like our parents…Reminder: RELAX – don’t’ take life so seriously…wait, what rule was that? Yes, good old Peter Cetera, Sting, Roxette, Richard Marx, America (Alligator Lizards in the Air?) and even Bread (OMG): I can cry with the best of them, and that’s OK I guess. Nothing like a good old love-loss song to bring about the sobbing and blubbering…looks so bad but feels so good! (Reminder: do not look in the mirror-have you ever seen anyone who looks good crying? Well maybe Carrie…). I find that I can multi-task, releasing those tears while driving, riding, walking, reading, eating…how skilled it that!? And motion is good for me…trips to Lone Gull and Seattle, West Richland family time, forays into Cali (my sister loves that description), Houston’s coming adventure, and a road trip back east; the house is awfully quiet in the evening and I won’t miss it; but it will always be home and a safe space; memories are good. Some neighbors over for an evening meal last week: eat around the table… Ok, now for the sex part…such a funny moment a couple weeks ago; I required a physical to verify that I am healthy (but mentally impaired) enough for the next bicycle adventure this Autumn/Fall; in the exam room waiting for the doc, and as the medical assistant finished recording my “vitals”, she began with the computer driven questions: “how are you feeling today?” – Awesome; “Do you feel safe at home?” Yes: “Are you in any pain?” No: “Are you sexually active?” – (my inside voice – Whaaattt?...OMG: am I still a man?) and I replied with my outside voice – well, I could be…LOL!!!...and mercifully I pulled both of us out of a growing discomfort…and explained that the dear woman with whom I had “relations” four times, had departed. That generated some extra keystrokes on the chart, and a caring inquiry from the Doctor (well, not about the sex). …think I’ll dial up some Rush… June 18, 2017
Hello. I am attempting to set up a group message with which I can send out updates to you. I'll need to name the group and I'll figure that out in a bit. Please don't establish anything or put anything out on social media and I don't wish this group text to become a big exchange of ideas, opinions, and etc. Just the facts! You all can send cards and letters to Joan as she's having a hard time texting with shaky hands. She always has a tremor and now everything is a shake! Send her texts too as she does read them. (And so do I, so no talking about me!) Again, this will allow me to send out consistent info with less typing and spell checking so you can know what is up. I do appreciate that you want to know what is happening and this will allow me a smooth method to communicate. And of course, this allows me to continue my belief that I am in control. Ha! The last engagement with the medical community was yesterday when I carted Joan down to the ER because I was getting nervous about her weak state. They did a lung CT that was clear and confirmed that yes, she needs to force herself to eat more. Can you say anemic? I told her she was going overboard trying to fit into that wedding dress! I know we both felt better after the visit. (We are making everyone pinky swear that they will party hardy on our behalf) Did not get to see Dr. H because he was so busy with patients, being on call. Have texted with him today and will pick up the battle tomorrow. In sum, what we know is there is a big ole tumor camped out on her right kidney, with some swollen lymph nodes for extra measure. They found that she still has a brain and it looks normal. Her lungs are normal too. Yay. Next is to get the next set of doctors drafted onto our team and get a specific diagnosis and treatment plan. I have engaged the cancer center patient navigator staff for help. Lots of good resources there. And keep Joan eating and drinking. Please send individual questions to me and I'll reply...maybe...if there isn't too much drama! Doug. More to come! June 19, 2017 Hello all: no news for today. We now have to await the appointment with a neurologist and I'll keep calling. Joan actually ate a little more today and she's jumping around the house...in her mind. Can't even get her to vacuum. Geesh. Thanks for your notes! June 20, 2017 No changes today. Got the referral to the cancer center and I'll be over there tomorrow. They have 4 nurse "patient navigators" who will be a big help. Lots of material in their library. The center was established in 1994 and has grown significantly. Joan appreciates your notes! Thank you. And she ate quite a bit today...two mouse helpings. Not much but more fluids and whatever I can cajole. One day closer to our next appointment! Yay. June 21, 2017 Good evening. Got a call from and went to meet with dr Hernandez today. We started with him 1 week ago and he has been busy. He went over what the consensus is of the doctors he asked to review the tests/scans and conversations held. Renal cell carcinoma is the diagnosis and there is a large tumor, 4 or more lymph nodes at the kidney and higher in the chest, and new to us was the ID of two spots on the right lung. The spleen is swollen. As said before, the brain is clear. The new item for us was the lung spots. Firmly makes it stage 4. Treatment is to remove the kidney and lymph nodes and follow up with chemotherapy. Surgery will be major as they have to go in and look around. We meet with the surgeon and oncologist Tuesday in Spokane. Local kidney doc was consulted too. Dr. Hernandez said that we may be in surgery next week as well. In the mean time we need to eat! And Joan did pretty good today. Milkshake from DQ plus other goodies. I moved the meeting at the cancer center to tomorrow. Also contacted a cancer center in Seattle and one in Houston. Need to round up and send info for other opinion. That's what I have for now. Thanks for your texts to Joan. And please, other than this, no social media please. Card, letters and visits are welcome! Take care. Doug. June 22, 2017 Good evening all. Finding humor: I received a generic pre-appointment questionnaire from the urologist in Spokane today, and on the backside was a section of questions regarding urologic health with a focus on symptoms of incontinence; I wrote on the section "let's get rid of this cancerous tumor and then we can celebrate incontinence!" Probably won't be appreciated, but it was fun for a little bit. Joan was tired at bed time today as she worked at eating (bacon and egg) and another 900 cal DQ shake. And had a visit from a wonderful RN and our grand kids. Thanks to you all. Joan had good conversations with her sister Ann and brother Mark today. Thanks you two! And she endured my humor... I made calls to round up and collect test results all in one place, mapped in the directions to Spokane appointment and went to the cancer center to meet with the nurse navigator and librarian at the resource center. Picked up some helpful literature and some good info on dealing with the road ahead. We aren't the first couple to face cancer so there is lots of information and support. Lots of internet info too. Thanks all for your texts. They are much appreciated. Talk to you tomorrow. Doug. June 23, 2017 Word of the day-liquid nutrition! Joan drank two bottles of Ensure today and a milkshake! Thanks to Bob and Kellie for visiting and as they went through their cancer journey some years ago, it was a great example of keeping hope, not giving up, and having a good attitude and sense of humor. We got a call this morning to go see a pulmonologist at 2:30. This was the result of us working with the nurse navigators at the cancer center to have others look at the tests. We learned and saw that there is a little more to the involvement of the metastasis in the right lung. Definitely a chemo target. When we meet with the surgeon and oncologist on Tuesday we will have better information. Also we spoke with Dr Hernandez after we returned from the visit. He had reached out this week to a local urologist / surgeon who concurred with the diagnosis and use of the facilities in Spokane. For some reason that was reassuring to not have disagreement in the second look. Surgery date will be discussed next Tuesday. We will continue focus on eating and gaining some weight. And I'll get out for a ride or two this weekend. Weigh gain is kit s problem for me! I believe in leading by example! Thanks for your texts and good wishes! June 25, 2017 Greetings - temperatures reached triple digits in the Columbia Basin today, and we were cool and calm, thanks to Bob Rhodes Heating and Air. A couple weeks ago our AC went out and Bob came over at 9 pm that night ...today I was thinking what a happy camper I'd have around here if we were without AC!! Yeah for modern technology. Focused has been on nutrition this weekend and while we aren't getting on the scale, I'm hoping we are holding our own. Another DQ vanilla shake was the price of admission for a visit from Kathy Piper and we caught up on news around town. Joan has also enjoyed texts and emails and calls with family and friends. We finished a letter that we will mail to her mom (Joan dictated and I typed). I have read several more articles on- line on kidney cancer. At this point we are all about accepting that we are there, now let's get on with it!!! Cancer, cancer, blah blah blah. No appointments tomorrow as far as we know and it's on to Spokane on Tuesday. Hope my car don't break down. Good evening all. June 27, 2017 There and back again: did the route to Spokane WA today...made us think about swim meets! Met with a surgeon and oncologist today and we were comfortable with them as professionals and people. Hey, it even was apparent that they knew we were coming. We will go with the use of a drug called Sutent that is designed to stem the blood flow to the bad guys, by disrupting the vascular structure supporting them. We will do that and take snapshots (CT scans) at ~6 weeks. We want to see no further spread or regression. As the surgeon put it well, the surgery is not the cure, and introducing another 6 week delay to attacking the cancer is not what we need. The tumor is not causing pain at the moment. They are interested in the biopsy results that is scheduled for this Friday. The pulmonologist that we met with last Friday is doing that one here in town. And we have an oncologist that we will meet on the 6th that is at the local cancer center. He and the Spokane doc will confer and hopefully agree on the approach. Can take the drug in pill form at home. That is great. Some side affects but don't expect any hair loss...other than mine, which is on its way. Back to nutrition!! Joan had three boosts today and an egg with bacon. Going to start making her eat at night to keep calories going and maybe give a better start to the morning. Got some cards in the mail today and multiple phone calls and texts. Thanks everyone! That all for now! Now let's focus on Meredith and Joe gett'in hitched!!! Woo hoo!! Good night. June 29, 2017 A relatively quiet day, with a late morning trip to the out patient clinic for "pre admission" checks for the biopsy tomorrow morning. They'll be knocking her out cold so it requires a few extra checks. No food or drink after midnight so we have been drinking boost/ensure during the day. She'll probably finish four by this evening and that's pretty good. But, she did lose another pound since Tuesday despite her efforts to eat, which have been good. The biopsy is intended to confirm the type of cells in her right lung. Should take about a half hour and then a recovery period. Hope to be home by noon. We have an appointment with the in town oncologist next Thursday and that's a long time to wait. We'll try to keep our minds occupied. Ben and Vanessa and the kids were here and was great to see them. They, along with William and Lydia will be heading up to Spokane early morning for the flight to Denver! Wedding time!!! Joe and Meredith arrived there today. We will keep in touch with all the modern technology in our hands. Yesterday Joan had a couple nice visits from her former co workers and hey shared more than a few stories. Joan was tired at the end of the day. William arrived from Seattle and he, I and Lydia went out to eat. That's all for now folks. As always the cards, texts and calls are much appreciated. If you don't get a reply from Joan be assured I am relaying them all. Best wishes. June 30, 2017 Sending out the news early since we already finished our calisthenics for the day...I hope. Joan had the biopsy without complications and recovered nicely. We left the hospital at 12:45 and overall had a great experience with all of the staff. The doctor briefed me after he did the work and I even got color photos of Joan's bronchials...and the good news is that the inside of the lungs are clean and clear. As shown in the CT scan, the lymph notes in the area are quite swollen and show cancer cells. His first impression and that of the pathologist who was assisting, is that they are cells that are on tour from the Kidney tumor. I wish they would finish their vacation and go home! The samples go to Spokane for final / full results. Our new appointment with the local oncologist is next Thursday. The doctor today did call the next week's doc to see if he could take us any earlier. No calls yet. I told him we just want to get on with it. I know there are plenty of other ill patients out there, but never hurts to ask. Joan got a nice boost in hydration via IV and some clean oxygen while she was there. And at one point, she showed some old tendencies when an interpreter named "Ramon" came through the unit flashing his good looks...I guess he's quite the item up on the OB floor. Her PB and HR came right up. LOL. Now we are back to Boost shakes and some fruit. And can't forget all the worthless television to be had. Trying to watch more Netflix documentaries, Blue Planet, etc. Received a few more cards and flowers yesterday and Joan's brother and sister have called. Again, thanks to all, for the calls, cards and texts. All are being relayed, after they are vetted, of course. Kids departed for Denver and the joyous occasion, where Joan and I get another daughter (in-law). When we last saw a picture, the grand-kids were sitting at the airport playing with their stuff...everyone smiling; and I hope that continues...and how could it not...Ben and Vanessa - Best Parents Evah! Doug More to come! July 7, 2017 Good day all: our last update was a week ago after the biopsy that we had at Kadlec Hospital in Richland. Since then we "enjoyed" a quiet weekend and then on Monday, Joe and Meredith's wedding took place in Denver. What a beautiful event. Joan and I dressed up, with the help from one of her co-workers, and we watched the wedding ceremony via live link in Facebook. Along with lots of pictures and video clips, we experienced the entire event. Thank you technology! We now have the kids back in town, with exception of one, who is spending a few more days in Denver, and our new daughter-in-law, Meredith is here. Have also enjoyed the company of a few of Joan's co-workers who visited, cards arriving in the mail, along with some phone calls and texts. Thanks to everyone for continuing to reach out. We met with the local Oncologist yesterday at the Tri Cities Cancer Center. (Joan said that she liked his approach and quickly developed some confidence with his direct manner of speaking to her; he spoke to her...not to me and not to the computer screen.) His evaluation and recommendation are as we heard last week in Spokane. Because of the advanced metastasis, go after the cells with Sutent, a drug which slows or stops growth by cutting of the blood supply to the offending parties. The preliminary report from last weeks biopsy showed consistency with renal cells, but the final report, naming the specific type of cells hasn't been received. I guess we are hoping to hear that they are 'clear cell', which is the most common type. I did have a thought that if the cells were of the most common type, that further studies won't be required, but, what do I know. Next to a confirming diagnosis and treatment plan, the second priority for the appointment was to address the fatigue accompanying this cancer. There is a search on for the cause of red blood cell loss, since they are not showing up in urine (ok, TMI here). We did a UA yesterday along with a complete blood work-up at the lab that is co-located. Then, Joan received a bag of iron, and a bag of water to go with it. That is his preferred approach to regaining energy. He really wanted to avoid a transfusion, as introducing "foreign" blood has its own risk, and prefers the iron to "pump you up" (channeling Arnold). We go for another iron infusion in a week. In addition, we now have a bone scan to perform, and that will be to see if there are any anomalies there, which could have an impact on red blood cell production. Appetite: putting Joan on a drug named Merinol...so she'll finally get the Marijuana that everyone offered to bring, and it is supposed to bring on The Munchies!!! If it goes well, I'll be hauling her to Denny's at 2 am for the Grand Slam...which of course, I would do for her. Also got some pills that will address nausea, some of which she has experienced. Joan did gain 1 pound since her last weigh-in. Way to go! This note has run on for a bit, and I'll bring it to a close. I do have additional information on appointments and some on-line interactions with other Kidney Cancer patients, but will bring that to you in my next note. In the mean time, thanks to everyone for your kindness and reaching out to Joan. It is comforting to her and helps pass the time. July 12, 2017 Good day everyone: since my last note to you, we have been enjoying the company of family and passing the time by asking Joan if she is hungry, wants more to drink, and generally bugging the crap out of her. And yes, we do receive feedback in the form of those direct, unvarnished expressions we know and love so well. The weekend was filled with a lot of activity as we continued to enjoy the company of our children, and their children, and our children by marriage! Had some great visits with friends as well...thanks to all for the visits, cards, texts, calls and flowers. All are truly appreciated! The newlyweds departed for home and their honeymoon, which I report, they traveled safely to a beach in Mexico. Our daughter will be here through the weekend upcoming and we have our son William home for a few days as well. Ben and Vanessa and the minions remain on call in West Richland! On the energy front, I can't tell if the iron maiden is feeling stronger, but we were told that the infusions are a little slower than we humans expect (I want that hamburger now!). We go for a second iron shot tomorrow with another bag of water to go along with it, and hope to see some pep coming in the next week. Joan is doing her best to look at eating as a job, and we have been varying the food at her command. Can't say that she has the munchies, but we are looking for the signs. Thankfully the evil tumor in her belly is not causing any physical pain (just mental). On the medical front we await the results from the biopsy (I have been hounding the doctors on email) and am about ready to drive up to Spokane to get the results! I mean come on people, it's 2017!! And I sought and received assurances that yes, the drug Sutent, has been ordered. No ETA. In case you are wondering, the drug is in the family for "vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF) pathway blockade, antianglogenic therapy" which is a technical expression for "lets starve this sukka by cutt'in off its blood supply!" I have read lots of stuff from patients and other on-line sites and it is a drug that is in fashion right now. There are side affects of course, and we'll hope they are minor. I have not read any cases where Sutent patients do the Linda Blair. When the drug does arrive, Joan will do 2x per day for 4 weeks, then a 2 week break, then repeat the multi day doses for two more weeks. With that completed we will go for some imaging and look for shrinkage. Surgery is still out there as a choice, but this is the most expedient treatment. Future events include a visit to a palliative care specialist on the 19th, and a bone scan on the 24th. We will see zee doktor again on August 2nd. Ok, it is time to wrap up and go roust sleeping beauty from her lair. Again, your communications to Joan are very much appreciated!! Thank you! July 14, 2017 Hiss...Boo... As Joan saiz, this ain't the bucket list I want to follow... Yesterday's iron party wasn't as fun as the first go-round as Joan had a reaction to the infusion and got the excited attention of the nursing staff and doctor. So chalk up 'iron adverse reaction' as a lifetime achievement. Along with her softball tumor and multi-day pill box, she's just so happy! The day wasn't all bad. On the way home, in the depths of a Demerol induced haze, she asked for, and when we got home, ate an entire fish filet samich from Mickey D's, with fries. I think the dope pills are working. We finished off the day watching the TDF and Froome crack on the last climb. Finally, some competition in this years tour. Got assistance from the folks at the hospital and clinic and found out that the cell tests revealed "transitional" cells and the Sutent pills will be delivered today. The doc said we might wait a few days if Joan is feeling tired (more) after yesterday's workout to start the drug treatment. We don't have a re-do for the iron infusion and we will discuss energy levels with the doc. Her next appointment is with a palliative care specialist next week and then a bone scan a week from Monday. When we start the Sutent it will be a four week run. Our son William and his girlfriend headed back to Seattle yesterday. We enjoy the company of our daughter for a few more days. The minions, who had kid-colds this week, are clearing their noses and hopefully they can visit grandma soon!! Thanks so much for the texts, cards, calls and visits. Very much appreciated!!! July 24, 2017 Slack'in: I know, I know; it has been over a week since I last updated you. Don't be so needy people! Actually, some days go by quickly, some not so much. Iron Maiden(IM) had one appointment last week (another bucket list - discussion with a Palliative Care Specialist!) which was helpful in assisting us navigate these treacherous waters. We don't know where we are in this journey, and a navigational chart with latitude and longitude would be nice. I'd like some details and logic. Joan started the Sutent on Saturday, July 15th, while I was off peddling from Seattle to Portland, enabled by our daughter who extended her stay with us. Since that start, no adverse side effects (sometimes I say affects...that's wrong...forgive me) noted; Joan has seen a decrease in what I call hot "flashes," a misnomer since the hot spells lasted for hours...and we are taking that as a good sign that perhaps the Sutent is starting to kick the tumor in the ass. However, energy level and appetite continue to suffer...she lost another 3 pounds at the last weigh in. The only one that is gaining weight in this family is me! And no, I haven't been sneaking the Merinol (dope derivative). I just hate to see all that good food go to waste. Ding, ding, ding! Another NOT bucket list achieved! Joan has her own wheel chair. Should have seen the smile on her face. We will use it for appointments when she is not up for walking or standing. I am remembering last year this month, when IM walked 7 miles in the burning heat, round trip, to watch the lava flows live on the island of Hawaii. I know she'd gladly do that again if she could. A very special time was had on Thursday, with a gathering of co-workers, to celebrate Joan's retirement from nursing. I was honored and humbled to see and hear the love and respect expressed to her; a very satisfying event. Later that evening Joan expressed that "she never knew" how much she was loved and respected as a professional. Then she started that crying thing again. Of course I knew it, because I've been hearing how great she was everyday for 38 years! Seriously though (can I be serious) the gathering was well received. But, sarcasm did prevail! You can take a girl out of upstate Vermont, but you can't take ..., well, you know how that goes. Appointment this week includes a skeleton scan today, and eventually a biopsy of the death-star tumor sometime this week, after approvals are gained. Further characterization of the cell type is desired. The visits, cards, flowers, food, and PJ deliveries have been fantastic. Thanks to each and every one of you. It (all) means so much. July 27, 2017 Quick update for you: stuck the offending party with a needle this morning and collected 5 core samples for analysis. Just like a geological survey. The staff were / are excellent and the procedure went smoothly. IM got some of what she refers to as the "Michael Jackson" drug and is off flying in never never land at the moment. I'm checking out the nursing staff while she slumbers. Pre stick blood work shows her iron levels and red blood cell levels improved, so that one shot of iron taken a couple weeks ago seems like it helped. Also, my great care. That is encouraging. I asked the staff to pump as much water into her as possible before we leave and I know that with better hydration she will be doing the Bruno Mars shuffle tomorrow. Lots of pelvic trusts, etc. I can't wait! Ok TMI! Also hopeful that the Sutent is having some beneficial affects. The dr noticed this am that IM is taking on a yellowish hue, which is a side effect of the drug. He also mentioned that he didn't see a lot of bleeding when he stuck that pig, and maybe the blood supply to the Death Star is being restricted. That is what Sutent is all about. I'll take all my assumptions as good for now. Continue to enjoy everyones cards and visits. Greatly appreciated!!! PS: continue to have grammar class flashbacks every time I want to use Affect/Effect- below it the rule. Now good luck applying it effectively, or is that... LOL. "Think of Edgar Allen Poe and his RAVEN: Remember Affect Verb Effect Noun. ... Most of the time, you'll want affect as a verb meaning to influence something and effect for the something that was influenced. The difference between affect and effect is so slippery that people have started using "impact" as a verb instead." August 5, 2017 Let's review: Affect is a verb...Effect is a noun; I think I got it. IM is being affected by all kinds of effects! And all of them are on her "NOT-Bucket" list. Reminds me of a quote from Thomas Paine's The American Crisis, re-purposed to our Iron Maiden's, The Kidney Crisis, "These are the times which try woman's souls!" Since our last update, IM visited with her Oncologist (let's call him Uncle Onc), received the results of the Death Star biopsy, enjoyed a visit from her sister and brother-in-law (and other friends and grandkids, thank you), and developed a painful side effect requiring a prescription of Oxycontin. She doesn't mess around! And a good measure of puking to go along with the fun. I had forgotten what a party animal she is. We did celebrate our 38th Anniversary however, and that was a great day. I even remembered the card and flowers. Week three of the Sutent has show itself to be the most challenging to date, and Uncle Onc said not to worry, "it will get worse before it gets better." Well, he didn't say it exactly that way, but we are in our countdown to Friday the 11th, when she completes week four, whereupon a two week break will ensue. The forecast is for better quality of life starting on Monday the 14th as Uncle Onc's experience is that things ease off after two days. Fingers crossed! Falling energy level, lack of appetite, "Sutent Brain" and now a very painful bone / nerve ache in both of her cheek bones is making for less than pleasant days on the couch, watching home re-dos (oh god, I could never live with THAT kitchen), wedding dress insult try-on (you look fat), and commercialized small claim court shows (did you really do that??). IM really isn't viewing them for comprehension, just as background noise...and I can understand that! I picked up the "Sutent Brain" description from a couple of web-sites where cancer patients and their caregivers are sharing the love for their favorite anythings. Good sites to go to and lots of information to take and compare to our situation. Food is an issue and IM is doing the best she can; we are continuing minimum variation and surprisingly, was only one pound down in a week. I'll do the weight gaining around here, thank you. The Death Star biopsy confirmed that it is Clear Cell Carcinoma cancer (Oh joy!), which is the most common form (75% of cases) of Kidney cancer. Because of that I have to take one Non-Bucket list achievement away from IM, since I was thinking it was the rare form of Transitional cell. Thank goodness it wasn't that! Anyone who has ever seen a woman in transition knows the danger in being close by; dem beyotches get crazy (OK, that was an attempt at childbirth humor)! Also, the pathologist gang noted that a lot of the cells in the sample cores were dead, which could be a sign that the drug is strangling those commoner clear cells of their blood supply (also remember the core drilling physician saying that there was little blood spraying out at the sample wellhead). Let’s hope so. Time will tell, and we will know in a couple weeks how all this is going. Again I say to you: thank you for your visits, cards, texts, calls, thoughts (careful, I can hear what you're thinking), wishes, flowers, and etc. We are thankful for all of the support and it is comforting to know that help just a holla away. August 14, 2017 IM enjoying calmer seas, easing winds, and clearing skies that invariably follow a storm…literally waking in the Tri-Cities this morning to cooler, clearer air that pushed two weeks of hot, hazy, smoky conditions out of our area. Oh, the joys of the high and low-pressure dance! Was kind of cool to see a smile this morning and share a couple sarcastic quips about our present state and her tremor… every drink is a shake! I can only imagine what her patients must have thought as she approached them with a needle in hand. As promised by Uncle Onc the unpleasant conditions are passing; in fact, IM experienced an easing of symptoms in the last three days of the four-week Sutent cycle (ended Friday) with the cheekbone and throat pain passing, less swelling in the face, and an interest (very slight) in eating. Getting off the pain killer also benefited other areas of the anatomical function if ya know what I mean. She’s running smoothly now. Remaining effects include areas of rough skin, especially her tongue. Wondering what round two will bring. Enjoyed several visits with wonderful birth center staff, nice cards and beautiful flowers. I hit the road for several rides, and the Hawks kicked some butt during a family gathering for spaghetti Sunday. Grandkids running around the house made for an enjoyable evening. This week’s hope is that she’ll be able to eat and drink larger portions, avoid regurgitation, or other unplanned bodily functions that end in “ion”, and gain strength. We (I) have a walk (shuffle) planned for the back yard, where if she trips and falls it will be in the soft grass. See how considerate I am? Otherwise we will take it a day at a time and hope that every day is better. Maybe IM can reacquaint herself with the vacuum cleaner or the washer…one can only hope. I came across a quote from a classmate’s Facebook page. I know he has endured momentous pain and challenge in his life and I have been thinking about its applicability to me / us. Thought I would share it with you. “My greatest growth occurred when I finally realized there is no perfect house, no perfect car, no perfect occupation, no perfect human interaction... The key to survival and overcoming life's trials is to recognize and react KNOWING we are NOT in control. We play the cards as they are dealt to us and persevere whether sunshine or monsoon.... Rest, reflect, if you must, but keep it moving forward... Until your momentum is unstoppable!!!!” While the ideas expressed don’t fit me like a glove, they land close to some keys going forward. Perhaps they will be of interest to you too. Joan and I are very aware that our circumstances, while challenging, still leave us with much to be thankful for. It doesn’t take but the turn of a page, a visit to a waiting room, or click of the remote to find others in much worse condition. We continue to very much appreciate the contact from you, be it written, spoken, or sent in a flower. Thanks to every one of you and…Onward! August 26, 2017 “Ding ding ding…. now in this corner, the death star (boooo, hissss); and hailing from Richland Washington, the toughest mutha of all, the one, the only, Iron Maiden!!!” With today’s matchup between two morons, and legions of followers who love to watch two humans beat each other senseless, thought I’d start this update with a little boxing reference. I mean, who or what could be more irrelevant than two grown men, worried about their manhood and money, while in the face of a basic life and death struggle. Round two with Sutent starts today, a four-week journey into unknown territory. Employing the strategy of hope, that the effects won’t be as severe as round one, and that IM emerges with a crushing blow to the DS and all her minions. Poor woman, I know she’s growing tired of me starting sentences with “hey, I read on Smartpatients.com, that so and so, who has been doing this for five years says…blah, blah, blah.” And I should say that the on-line forums are helpful as a caregiver. There are many victims, err, I mean, patients out there blogging too, and depending on the person, that can be very helpful. Still, I remind myself, and you, dear friends, that these notes are penned by me (Captain Obvious), and may not reflect the actual feelings, musings, thoughts, etc., of IM. So much for the disclaimer. Met with Uncle Onc during the eclipse on Monday…no, really, we were in his office during the whole thing and he didn’t even hold us off to run outside for a look. What a guy! He earned bonus sincerity points for that one. And IM and Uncle Onc ambushed me, in a conversation about exercising…that was on me, trying get her to do some walking around the house. Ha. They both gave me “the look”. Continuing to build on our relationship with him, and he discussed several potential paths to look toward (ah, two paths diverged in the woods…). First is initiating round two, and tracking IM’s ability to handle the effects, and if necessary, notifying him of anything too severe and he would suspend, or reduce the dosage. Goal is to complete the four weeks, then go for some whole-body scans…kind of like TSA (step forward maam, raise your arms, take that jewelry off…!). Desired outcome is to see measurable decrease in size of the DS and her daughters. Ideal would be nothing seen with exception of the kidney tumor. Raises potential for surgery to remove that beast. However, strength of the patient, weight loss, etc., all influence those decisions. Also, there are other classes of drug treatment that are available if Sutent does not work, and IM chooses to pursue them. Ah, I failed to mention that IM continued pursuit of her college weight, and she shed six more pounds of unwanted protoplasm. Must be the cooking. I’m having to do more vacuuming to control the shedding too. Summarizing; didn’t really achieve the return to normal (ok, would have been happy with half-normal) feeling during this two-week break, and that was / is a downer. Fingers remain crossed that tumor reduction will allow a much stronger rebound toward midnight snacking (I need some company), strength and endurance. Again, not sure where we are on the chart! Need a lighthouse! Many great visits, cards, flowers, texts from family, friends and co-workers. It is very helpful to continue to receive them. As before, we are aware of many others who are suffering with less that we, and are overall good with our situation…not happy about it, but dealing with @#3^#$% cancer! Thank you! We are armed with a cabinet of medical tools, and it’s Onward!!! The cry of the day! September 11, 2017 The last time we met with Uncle Onc, a full eclipse was occurring; we met today, on the anniversary of 9/11. Yikes! IM shed another eight pounds for today’s appointment, which didn’t earn any gold stars with the doc. He did not order any changes however, and she is to continue Sutent (this is day 17 of 28, round II) until September 23rd. Celebrate! IM will not be taking Sutent while we are feasting on birthday cake, later this month…she will be receiving a CT scan for her birthday (September 26th, hint, hint), and the party will include some fasting, and imbibing chalky white imaging fluids before the scan. It’s the gift she’s always dreamed of. Bucket list check-offs continue to accumulate. Uncle Onc was encouraged that IM’s hemoglobin value increased and therefore, a transfusion is not necessary. The fatigue is an unfortunate result of both the disease and the treatment. I have my fingers and toes crossed that the pain she experienced last round does not re occur this week. Also, if the CT scan shows progress, then he would like a third round of Sutent. If no progress, then he will order up some immunotherapy type treatment, which is an infused drug. We met with the palliative care specialist last week and not much to report from that visit; Joan still has little appetite and we are going to try another drug to induce it. And, we are going to wean her from Prozak…she refuses to laugh anyway, and less chemicals in the system is always a good thing. I’ll be her daily dose of happy drug. I am getting quite a collection of meds that can be sold at yard sales. Always can use that extra cash money. We asked for, and will receive a consultation from the local hospice organization tomorrow, an hour or so to explain their program, what is available, and when. Our hope is to gain a better perspective of where we are on this journey, and review a list of things to do and consider, to ensure we have our ducks in a row, no matter where we end up. I have complained about not knowing where we are in this journey and this will let us know what we can expect from others, in the future. Should be a happy meeting…NOT! Facing reality head on!! The only thing that could be more frustrating, is watching the Seahawks offensive line…they are truly, offensive. Thanks as always for your cards, flowers, visits, texts, etc. We appreciate them very much! If you need any flower vases, I have a few to give. And yes, I have refilled some of them with good old Fred Meyer fauna and flora. I got skills! We got the meds, and it’s Onward! October 3, 2017 Sold - We’ll take it!! That was the takeaway this afternoon during IM’s visit with Uncle Onc., who was “extremely pleased” with her tumor shrinking abilities, as shown in glorious digital detail on last week’s Birthday Girl CT scan. We received the report last week via the on-line medical chart system, read the report on the change in size of the tumors (she’s got nine of them – the Death Star and its satellites), and were cautiously optimistic since there was an overall size reduction of 40% (Doug’s calculation spreadsheet). The scan showed one new tumor, but Uncle Onc. thinks it just wasn’t visible during the first scan back in June, because the Death Star is such a fatty, and was compressing the offending area. I’ll go with that explanation. We discarded the thought that any new tumors could grow in IM’s present internal environment: it’s gotta be hell inside there. Uncle Onc. surprised us because he thinks it is time to pursue surgery to remove the DS, and our thoughts going into the appointment were about starting round three of Sutent. Tomorrow we will contact the Spokane surgeon that we saw in late June for a consultation and take it from there. Should it not be the right time for surgery then we’ll (what’s this we stuff…IMs got to do the heavy lifting) continue the Sutent Diaries. Either way, a tough path ahead. However, on the good side, Sutent is working, and surgery would get that bad boy outta there. Two good courses of action at our disposal. So many Not-Bucket list items yet to conquer. Blood work showed a low red blood cell count, so IM will get some EPO shots; and consequently, will have to withdraw from the triathlon she’d planned, to avoid the scrutiny of USADA. We don’t need that hassle with Lance. And additional encouraging news, IM gained nine pounds since her last appointment with Uncle on September 11th; soon I think that her name will have to change to Miss Piggy. Just lays around eating Bon-Bon’s all day…and IM will be free of Prozac in five more days. Gonna go au-natural for a bit. As for me, I am the happy house husband, mastering laundry and vacuuming skills, biking and spinning, and beginning a cautious venture into Yoga. Very interesting so far, and no, there will be no posts on Facebook: some of those positions…ouch…I haven’t achieved since I was in utero. Ok…TMI, sorry. We had a wonderful birthday celebration with all offspring present and accounted for last weekend (thank you all again), a visit from Joan’s brother and better-half, and plenty of great nurses and friends. Thank you, each of you for the continued cards, flowers, notes, calls, texts, etc. The Birth Center chorus sang the B’day song to IM and delivered it via video, along with a huge card and a dozen roses…what an awesome group. Joan was thrilled to know that due to her predicament, the staff meeting attendance set a record! Everything is appreciated! November 2, 2017 Au Naturel… …that is what IM told Uncle Onc a little over a week ago, that she was ready to go Au Naturel…like, with Mother Nature. I mean, if she would have told me that years ago, I’d a started liftin weights, combing my hair, brushin my chompers, and cashin in on those little blue pills. But I guess it wasn’t meant to be like that. We have a brave soul, true to her nature, facing the reality of her situation, and with a supportive group of family and friends ready to do whatever it takes. Yes, almost a month has passed since I informed you that IM outperformed Uncle Onc’s expectations with the Sutent; however, the toll that it took, and faced with the stark realities of a major surgery and recovery, and the benefits which are undefined and unknown; IM measured all those factors and decided that having had in her words, “a wonderful life, family, and no regrets” it is time to let nature take its course. It was a difficult, yet, a simple decision. IM is comfortable with it and that is what is important. So, a new course, to the Island of Au Naturel, has been set. No, not like those two kooks who were found adrift in the western Pacific last week; we are two kooks who know what we are doing…Ha! Newsflash!! Several more ‘Not Bucket List’ items have been achieved: IM is now a charter member of Hospice; with a personal supply of rubber gloves, butt wipes, and adsorbent bed pads! So excited! She has completed her experience with Prozac (its reputation is undeserved in her estimation) and other drugs and we are back to the synthetic dope when needed, and the miracle liquid, Megase, to keep some semblance of appetite. Oh, I can’t give her any props as a Mrs. Piggy, cuz she actually lost a little bit of weight again. A svelte 136…what a hottie. I can’t decide if I like the hanging skin or the thinning hair more…Ouch! My vacuuming skills are well honed, and the house is pretty clean, inside and out. I need to be on my best behavior because the Hospice team has a social worker on it, and I figure she’ll be checking my attention to detail just like they used to do at Saturday Morning Inspections at The Citadel during my knob year. Also, I keep riding a bike to nowhere, in a dark room with loud music and lots of sweat, with a lady yelling at me to pedal faster…which I oddly find to be enjoyable. I am used to IM bossing me around so it’s not a problem. The weather is turning and giving me additional reasons to avoid the road. With the situation we find ourselves in at present, fall seems an oddly appropriate time of year and life. Fortunately, IM and I are doing well, and I am happy to be facing this with her, and that I can provide the care she deserves. Wow…getting dramatic here!! Oh, and IM is still here, sarcasm and all. You are welcome, all of you, to visit, call, text or write. The things you have done for us are priceless. We had a fun gathering of almost the entire family last weekend (the entire clan I you count SM) and in addition, continue to enjoy visits from coworkers and friends; flower deliveries, cards, and even some authentic maple syrup from Vermont, hand squeezed by her brothers! Keep up the good work out there. Until next time… PS: you’re right…you don’t squeeze maple syrup. December 3, 2017 A quiet time, interrupted by an awesome holiday! That is the theme of today’s note: IM and I enjoyed the gift of family during the Thanksgiving week, with all our kids and grandkids in the house, as well as visits from friends. Our Hospice team also joined the family during that week to have a good conversation about “anticipatory grieving” … that is the official name of our journey’s phase. And it really helps to be able to express our feelings among family and friends. Joan sets the example well by facing this predicament head on with fact and logic, and we are following her lead. Not liking it, but enjoying our time together. Physically, Joan’s fatigue / strength has continued to worsen / decrease, and this week we set a couple more “Not Bucket List” milestones: using the fancy four wheeled chair to go back and forth between waterbed and couch, and ordered a hospital bed and other necessities for delivery next week! That move really aggravated her, as we have had an intimate relationship with our California King waterbed since 1980. Getting in and out of the bed is now very difficult and I have not been real adept and pulling her in and out. I need to re-review that section of the patient care book. Meals are somewhat meager, twice a day, and yes, a little more weight has been shed since the last update. Our days are quiet, and I have been paying close attention to the noise I tend to make when closing (slamming in Joan’s opinion) the cabinet doors in the kitchen…for which I did purchase some foam stoppers to place on the cabinets, and cut down on the racket. I was in hot water for a few days there, when I had a crew here to replace our roof shingles…talk about noise…yikes! A few merinol were consumed during that time. Calm will prevail in this home. Similar to the experience we had with the medical community, we are fortunate to have a great Hospice team onboard. All our needs, requests and questions have been quickly and expertly met. A great organization. Additionally, visits from friends and neighbors, nursing staff friends, cards, flowers and meals continue to arrive at our doorstep, all of which are sincerely grateful. Let me know if you want to visit the IM by texting me…she is accepting visitors in the afternoon hours mostly. Always, we are happy to see any and all of you. Take care, Doug December 10, 2017 Today’s theme…Biology! As one who was interested in science (the non-math type) I accept and understand the course that biology is taking…quite days and the changes in a body seeking rest. All natural. That’s our girl IM – following Mother Nature’s course! I have seen a difference since the last update and we are at the stage where Joan is no longer doing any laps around the house or room, just gentle lifting up and down from the California King waterbed! We have the electrified hospital bed ready, but for now it is serving only as entertainment for our grandkids who get a thrill in raising and lowering the different sections. What fun! A few more “Not Bucket List” moments achieved too; first, an in-bed bath by someone you never met before (and our caregiver was fantastic – Joan took a liking to her immediately), and more in-home medical toys and tools…who doesn’t love new tools! I think we are set up for the duration. In addition to our son Ben and his wife (our wonderful “daughter”) and grandkids who visit us frequently to spread joy around the home, our son Joe and daughter Maggie came up from Houston to escape the snow, and spend quality time with IM. They are receiving awesome support from their schools and their fellow teachers are pitching in to allow them to be away. Son William will be over during this upcoming week too. Our other “daughter” Meredith is keeping the snow cleared in Houston and will be up in a little over a week. Looking forward again to having everyone surrounding IM. Continue to have visits, cards, flowers and letters arriving from friends near and far, and that just adds to the overall support we are feeling. Huge help to me too. I was able to go to my dark, noisy, sweaty place at the health club this past week due to people sitting in. I am in one sense, thankful to have this slow-moving train (which seems to be picking up a little speed) provide us with the opportunity to do our grieving and celebrating in a relatively relaxed state. We get to play that “life movie” in forward, reverse and slow motion (I have a few portions that I just fast forward through – but we don’t need to dwell on that); anytime we want. I mentioned in a note to a friend, that the holiday season is oddly, a good time to be experiencing our end of the physical journey with Joan. Emphasize the “physical” because she will certainly be in our thoughts forever. That might actually be a little scary, come to think of it! Oh, just kidding! (maybe I still have time for that comedy career…) Be advised and know this – the support from all of you has been awesome! Shall I again list the superstars? Medical folks we met at the offices we visited; The Hospice Team that is taking us to the finish line; awesome nurses and doctors from the Birth Center who are also, by the way, great friends; navy friends; family friends; swim team friends; health club friends; neighborhood friends; my former coworkers; and naturally, immediate family. Each of you has contributed positively and I welcome your continued communications. I relay them all to Joan. Take care. Doug December 17, 2017 Leaning In As I re--read the last status report after pressing “send”, I got a chuckle about the avoiding math comment, and then stepping into a misspelling of quiet…apparently, I avoided englich too! Got to see the funny in all of this, right?? Our Hospice Chaplain taught us to “Lean In,” or put another way; meeting our life’s circumstance head on with candor, consideration, humor, and love. Our family has had a great week with all the kids and grandkids home, spending quality time with the IM. Certainly, heartwarming and a source of great satisfaction and reassurance for her, that we will carry on with style, holding her in our memory whatever we do and wherever we roam. During the week, we pulled out all the things that Joan collected as keepsakes during the kid’s school years and have enjoyed reading and looking and the art work, portfolios, stories, photographs and in some cases, even report cards (especially Maggie’s)! And when we needed to, shared a few tears and thoughts about love and gratitude. The house is looking festive with the tree, lights, garland, and decorations strewn in IM’s boudoir, and other more conventional locations. In fact, her room is so comfy that IM won’t even leave her California King (waterbed). What a hippie! She notched several more “Not Bucket List” items, which will remain undescribed; I mean, a girl must have some secrets, right? I can report that she received a manicure with some tender loving care thrown in for good measure from one of her nursing cohorts. Factoid…did you know that Joan had one manicure during her life! Hardcore! As with the last report, Joan has grown increasingly weaker, and is still on a diet consisting of, well, not much. Our Hospice team continues to impress with professionalism and care, and all of us are very grateful to have them onboard to assist in monitoring her condition, give us guidance on care and expectations, and provide that in-bed spa treatment. Today there is an article in the local paper, capturing an interview that we did while surrounding IM in her command position on top of the California King, about our kid’s accomplishments in the pool at Hanford High School (correction, while swimming for Hanford…there are no pools at any of our schools in this area, but that’s another story), and most significantly, the role that Joan played as a wonderful mother, parent and volunteer. Until this day, Joan and I have been pretty quiet about our journey with the Death Star, however it is obvious that the preverbal cat, is out of the bag. You may therefore see some Facebook posts about this special family honor, of which Joan and I are very proud. We could not have wished for a more loving and reassuring family that is a source of incredible joy and support. Thank you to our coach and friend, Kathy Piper who surprised us with her plan, the school’s athletic director, and the reporter and photographer who sat around the bed with Joan and family to enjoy some great memories. It was truly a special moment for Joan. A great honor for our family. And to all of you: we continue to receive cards, flowers, meals, emails, texts and visits, and just kind words from everyone, which we certainly appreciate, and will forever remember. Thank you all!!! Joan and I send our sincere wishes to each of you for a special holiday season with your own families and friends. Take care. Doug December 24, 2017 The Four Things That Matter Most The words above are the title of a book by Ira Byock, M.D., shared with me by a former neighbor who volunteers for Hospice…and the focus of our family discussion with our Hospice Chaplain (I like to refer to him the “Coach”) on Thursday evening. We hung out in the kitchen and spoke our thoughts and experiences in our journey with IM and each other, our relatives and friends. Coach introduced us to and discussed these eleven powerful words that are discussed in the book: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank You. I love you. I realized that in my own way, I was moving along these lines, however not as crisply focused. Do you know that when I gathered all my courage and asked for Joan’s forgiveness, she said “for what?” Ha ha!; I wiped my brow with a big “whew,” and a celebratory fist pump…what luck! She’s forgotten all the silly things I’ve done! And I quickly left the room…well, not really, but I did get a chuckle from it. I realized that IM’s “for what?” represented any forgiveness I would need. So graceful, IM is at peace with her life and all she has met. As pointed out by Coach, and maybe obvious to you, there is no need to await an extremis situation to share these eleven words with whoever and whenever you want! Caution however – you may not get as free a pass to redemption as I did! Regardless, hang in there and work it out. We are enjoying the presence of our family; lots of activity from dawn to dusk (plus a few hours), big meals at the table, tightening waistline, daily gatherings around the California King, continued sharing of pictures and the memories they invoke, the making of new memories, and the pestering of IM until we are asked to leave. The recent article in our local paper brought about additional outreach and well wishes from a greater circle of friends and acquaintances, all well received and much gratitude to all. We are surrounded by wonderful people! Looking forward to the HOF induction this week. We will make use of technology as best we can to bring the ceremony to IM, live! IM continues to weaken, the result of no appetite and a diet of water and ginger ale. That makes meal planning easy, and cleanup is a snap. Is difficult to watch, however. Two visits from our Hospice nurse and aid (the Angelic duo) were much appreciated; IM sleeps more and visits are getting a little shorter because she can only focus for a limited time. The sense of humor is still there, and we are enjoying time well spent. I snuck out several times this week for my favorite dark room sweat sessions at Spin class and have been keeping busy with daily chores. The kids are “making” me consume a little extra adult beverage in the evening, which on one occasion caused me to snore with such enthusiasm that I woke poor old IM: imagine that, a snore that is bad enough to wake the near-dead!!! Yikes. Of continuing importance to IM and our family, is the support and good vibrations being sent our way in many and varied forms of communication. Reaching out is so valuable, and even when folks are uncomfortable with it, the gift is genuine and appreciated! On behalf of my family, sincere wishes to each of you for a special holiday season with your own families and friends. You can even lay those eleven words on them...who knows what will follow. Doug January 1, 2018 Godspeed The illustration (below), Godspeed, depicts a deity standing over a lone sailor upon a vast sea. Sent to Joan by her brother Mark, the drawing is appropriate for this time and place. Our Iron Maiden completed her solitary journey this day, surrounded by love and a grateful family. True to form, Joan drew a clean close to an eventful year and symbolically, handed the new year and our new reality for us to carry forward, with the lessons and memories she gave to us. We are grateful for the wonderful support of family and friends, the swimming community, co-workers from the Birth Center; Doctor, Nurses and Assistants who staff the Kadlec Medical community; and the compassionate and caring team from the Chaplaincy Hospice organization. Of the many memorable words send during the past months, the below quotation reflects our experience. The words were written by a country Genera Practitioner who spent many final hours with patients. "I often thought of the similarities between a well-managed death and a well-managed delivery of a baby. In each case there was the transition from one form of existence to another." Amen! Please join us at a service and reception to remember Joan's life well-lived on Friday, January 5, 2018, from 5 to 9 pm at the Sunset Gardens Event Center. Also, look for a link to a website we are constructing to provide more about the life of IM (not yet ready for prime time) to be sent separately. An Update from August 4, 2018
I pause this morning to remember a special day, upon which thirty-nine years ago, in a small church in New Hampshire, Joan and I married in front of family, and a rather rambunctious group of friends from Tyrone Pennsylvania and beyond. After only a short courtship and rather hasty decision, who could have predicted all the gifts we would share over the next (almost) four decades. But we were young, and feeling our immortality to the fullest, and there weren’t too many things out there so slow us down. With retrospection, I wouldn’t have it any different, especially as I look at all the good that is around me in the form of four wonderful children, two additional “daughters” and a triumvirate of young joy. As I said in the closing sentence of Joan’s eulogy, “…thank you for spending your days with me, I am a better person because of it….”Thanks again to all of you for supporting this man and his family for over a year. We are all doing well and continue to love life and obey Joan’s three commandments. And as for myself, I’m about to embark on a transformational journey on the healing road…riding a bicycle. I know this will be a completion for me, the end of one life and beginning of another, and a bucket list item for which I am happy to have my health and retirement to pursue. Look for the story on Facebook! Peace to all of you. |